I'll start with the beginning of the week and see where I go from there. Sound good? Good.
Monday wasn't anything super spectacular. Sister Fenton and I were both really tired and we just kind of had a chill day of emailing, browsing in stores, and buying a couple things (I now have sufficient clothes that won't kill me in this heat.)
Tuesday was fairly normal as well. We went up to Uberlingen to help a YSA of ours pack for her mission (Colea - she's the one going to Armenia!) After that we all went back to the Church for Institute.
Wednesday was a beautiful day. Colea and her dad, Benji, our ward mission leader, were able to go through the temple for the first time. It was a beautiful experience. I had some time for...I can't remember the english word....Nachdenken...while I was in the celestial room. I was thinking back to my high school days (insert cringe here), and I was able to compare my past self to my present self. It was an interesting experience. When I was in high school, I was a bit of an idiot (not an uncommon occurrence. I challenge anyone to look aback at their high school self and not cringe) and I did some things that damaged a lot of my friendships, some that I don't think I"ll ever be able to fully repair. People lost their trust in me, and I had given them good reason. It was a pretty horrible experience, because there were also things happening in my life that were very real and very scary, but I had done so much damage that people weren't very ready to help, support, or even believe me.
But what I did doesn't really matter anymore. It's in the past and it's going to stay there. What matters is how I (eventually) decided to handle the situation and what I learned from it.
While comparing my past self to my preset self, I realized a few things that have changed. Because of the experiences I had in high school I am now a much more honest person (some may say I'm blunt at times). I'm more understanding and less hesitant to forgive. I'm more aware of peoples' struggles, and I'm better at figuring out what they need and how I can help. I now know how to form good relationships founded on honesty and communication. My heart changed and I didn't want to go back to where I was before.
But perhaps the greatest blessing I received was an increased thankfulness for the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
This kind of ties back to the email entitled "burns" from a few weeks ago. When I would lie and spread rumors in high school, I was metaphorically burning myself, and possibly other people as well. Except it was more of a slow, unnoticable boiling-a-frog-in-cold-water type burn instead. Started small, but eventually boiled over into a massive painful mess. For awhile afterwards, I stayed out of the kitchen. I actually switched schools (for more reasons than just the mess I made, though it played a big factor) in order to get a new start. And that worked a lot of good thins for me. I was able to really look at my life and realize what I had done. I went through the rest of my high school life flying under the radar, and working forwards towards bigger and better things. It wasn't something that healed immediately. I had times when I went into town to do some shopping and actually had to turn around very quickly for fear of running into the wrong people. I was talked about and made fun of on Facebook and Twitter for some times afterwards as well. I was reaping my punishment, and it wasn't fun.
But I learned to endure. I learned to rely on the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He had felt the same embarrassment and anguish I was feeling at that point in my life. He really understood me and had been waiting for me to ask him for help since the very beginning.
So while pondering (that's what nachdenken means!) and reflecting on my past, I did feel some lingering pain from all that had happened, just as someone will remember the pain of being burned, but what I felt the most was the love that my Heavenly Father has for me. I felpt how proud He is of me. And then I looked at Colea nad felt how proud He is of her too. And then I thought about my family and friends back home and felt the love that He has for htem. While sitting the celestial room, so incredibly close to the presence of God our Heavenly Father, the feelings that came to me were not ones of regret, fear , of shame, but instead they were of love, hope, gratitude, appreciation, comfort, strength, and a knowledge that Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us and that I am 100% on the right path.
A lesson I learned awhile back, but one of my favorite things to explain is this: When walking up stairs, if you try to look backwards, you will fall. When we move forward in life, if we look backwards at the things we've done, the places we used to be, we will fall back to that level. If you focus on the sins you've committed, the burns you've recieved, you will not learn. You will continue to fall, your burns will not heal, and you will not be able to move forwards. When you are climbing stairs, look forwards, not backwards. The Atonement is there to help you stay on the forward moving path. Rely on Chirst and keep facing forward. THAT, my lovely friends, is how you will make progress.
I love you all. I'ls include some shots from the temple and I"ll leave this week's email at that.
Have a good week!
Sister Priest
